I Guess I’ll Be Posting Unchecked About The Lakers

There was gonna be a Laker fan contributing to this blog, but now that there isnt… Lakers suck.

With that out of the way, lets take a look at this timeless classic from Bill Plaschke.

Big bristly brooms were everywhere in these NBA playoffs, giant kitchen cleaners such as Tim Duncan and Kevin Garnett.

We’re off to a great start. Already we see words but must question whether they actually form a sentence. Also, how would KG feel if he knew he was being compared to a giant kitchen cleaner?

Tough guys were everywhere this NBA spring, hammers such as David West and Carlos Boozer

UGH, seriously dude? You dont even put a period at the end of this sequence of letters (whatever it is).

But Monday with the nice ‘n’ easy Lakers was the first time anybody has used the word crush.

Incorrect, I know for a fact there is a movie called Blue Crush. Seriously though, even if we take this at face value, that it’s the first time someone said the word “crush” in the NBA playoffs this year, is this an important point? Why is this guy making money for writing stuff? It’s just really stupid. Oh and by the way, the Celtics cruuuuuushed the Hawks in game 5.

Granted, they didn’t require much more than a pulse until the final hour of the final game.

What is the “final hour of the final game”? A game is 48 minutes. Is this the “final hour in the running timer that is Bill Plaschke’s mind” clock?

But nowhere in the NBA today does that pulse beat harder than underneath barely sweaty, slightly torn gold jerseys that brushed quickly through their first mountain.

Read that again, from “underneath” to the end. This guy just sucks (Now that’s insightful analysis!!). WHy the hell are we using the word mountain? I guess the Lakers may meet the Jazz next, who kinda had mountains on their jersey at some point, even though they are called the jazz, which is weird because theyre from utah, and utah doesn’t really do jazz well. Where were we? Oh yeah, run on sentences.

What the San Antonio Spurs couldn’t do, what the Boston Celtics didn’t come close to doing, the Lakers have done, sweeping their first-round series against the Denver Nuggets on Monday with a 107-101 victory in Game 4 at the Pepsi Center.

Thanks for getting us back on track Bill. now for some analysis.

We know the Lakers can beat a loosely coached, barely attentive flyweight. How will they do against a strictly controlled, consistently punching heavyweight?

My favorite Laker game to this day is back in the early nineties when they beat an out-of-retirement George Foreman in a straight up classic. Or maybe that was Evander Holyfield… nope Lakers, definitely Lakers. (I realize this doesn’t make sense because Foreman was more the “wait until you slip up throw one huge punch and end it” type of fighter, not the “strictly controlled, consistently punching” type, but none of this makes sense, so I think I’m ok.)

”We collected ourselves,” Kobe Bryant said.

That is one way of putting it.

Another way of putting it is, crash, bang, boom.

Onomatopoeia!! Of course this Onomatopoeia makes absolutely no sense, but hey at least it’s a cool word. Couldn’t he at least have said, “Kobe showed his cool resolve against the apathetic Nuggets when he dove for a loose ball. Crash, bang, boom.” Of course this makes no sense either, but mostly because Kobe would never dive for a ball.

[Walton] threw up a looping shot.

What other kinds of shots are there? Layups, dunks, Rick Barry’s mildly less loopy underhand freethrow, and Loopy jump shots. These are your options.

The Lakers can hardly use these four games as a predictor of their future playoff toughness.

But you know something?

It matters to them.

It matters to them. No way. This is just wrong. I know for a fact that Didier Ilunga-Mbenga only tries to score to earn those free tacos for the fans. But at least he’s doing it for the fans! Derek Fisher just wants the money for his family! Ronny Turiaf doesn’t care about winning, he just cares about not dying from a heart condition (too soon? Yeah definitely).

This masterpiece is ended beautifully…

The children’s table cleared, it is now time for the Lakers to venture to the adult table probably found in Salt Lake City.

The eating will be more difficult.

The appetite, however, is unquestioned.

Go? Lakers?

The Curious Case of Elena Delle Donne

Due to a perhaps rash promise we made to a few friends, we have to cover a little women’s basketball in this blog. Hows the first real post for ya guys? Actually this isn’t the first real post because I think Im just gonna link thebiglead.com’s story because I’m lazy. This might be a recurring theme, but only for unimportant stuff. I promise though, this women’s basketball story is actually good.

You’ve Accidentally Found Your New Home for Sports

If you’re reading this, you either accidentally stumbled upon our site or are reading our awesome archives after we’ve had years of success.  Whatever the case, here at We’re Talkin’ ‘Bout Practice we’ve got you covered for sports news, linking to sports news, and linking to random other stuff- basically we are like every other sports blog, but we like to think if you accidentally clicked here, than you are like most people and are too lazy to go somewhere else for info.