Here is Your Undoubtable, Inalienable Best Player in the NBA (circa 2004)

The dude is SUPER Clutch. Look at that smile! Why is he so happy? He’s mad clutch. Why is he so clutch? Perhaps because he was a very good three point shooter that year in Miami and in big time situations he would only shoot open shots. But that’s probably not it. It’s probably completely random chance. My first argument for chance: DAMON JONES IS LISTED AS THE MOST CLUTCH PLAYER. Also there are so many flaws in this stat. It measures plus/minus in points in the clutch. So obviously good teams will have high numbers. And players that are good on that good team will be at the top because good teams score good during all points in the game including good scoring levels in the last five minutes. Good? And look, 4 Miami guys in the top 5. And then 4 Seattle guys soon after (they went 52-30 that year). And, reminder, Damon Jones is at the top. Flawless. I see no flaws.

4th quarter – Orlando/Detriot

As noted in my previous post, I really, reallly, reallllllllllly, hate detriot. For a number of reasons, which can most aptly be summarized by their eerie similarities to that annoying pickup basketball player. This hatred was only worsened when I came across some of Detriot’s attempt at smack talk.

Bad Blood between Magic and Pistons

(7:13 – OH MY GOODNESS – Huge Follow up dunk by Dwight Howard)

Ratliff said Maxiell didn’t need the assistance.

“There’s no sense in guys coming to my rescue,” Ratliff said Sunday. “I mean, that was Rashard Lewis. He’s a 3 man.”

Ohhh…sh*^….ohhh sh^%….no he didn’t. He called Rashard Lewis a 3 man. His actual basketball position on the court. How demeaning. No you didn’t Ratliff. Ohhh no you didn’t Ratliff. Don’t you be calling a man out on his street cred. (YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES….STREET CRED RETURNS)

What Ratliff said was relayed to Lewis and the small forward fired back.

“You can have a lot of energy in five minutes a game,” Lewis said. “What’s he played? 15 games? Tell him to come out and guard me.”

That’s right Lewis – Ratliff wants to question your street cred, you besta respond. He ain’t gonna get away with that garbage. Not exactly the most intimidating response, I mean, I probably would have said something like this:

That b%@%& wanna talk s$%# about me…well tell him to come inside…ill straight up busta cap in that boys @$$. Maaaaaaaaaaaan….sh*#^(#&$& (sweet = inside joke!)

but…i’ll settle for …”tell him to come out and guard me”

“Dwight is an imposing player, but we’ve played against some of the Hall of Famers so it’s not really something we worry about,” Ratliff said.

Now that’s just dumb. Dwight’s seems to be one of the nicest guys in the league – making him mad doesn’t seem like the greatest idea. And I think I’d bet on Dwight Howard being a hall of famer. And I don’t think I’m going out on a limb when I say that.

“He’s has a very strong upper body,” Maxiell said. “But if you get down low and take his legs out, he’s not that powerful.”

Howard bristled at the suggestion that his lower body is weak.

“That’s not true,” Howard said. “Trust me.”

Errr…that’s kinda weird. Maxiell judging Howard’s lower body…weird…weird.

(Note – We Talkin’ about practice welcomes all readers, and we mean…all readers).

“They’re a finesse team,” Ratliff said. “They’re a 3-point shooting team.”

Like Howard, Orlando point guard Jameer Nelson took exception with Ratliff’s assessment.

“Who? Who?” Nelson asked mockingly when Ratliff’s comments were repeated by reporters. “I’m getting sick and tired of people calling us soft.”

I am starting to get worried = if you’re the magic, you cannot allow someone to call out your street cred. Everyone knows that the way you win basketball games is by street cred. Hustle plays, rebounds, steals = irrelevant. Useless. Now intimidation, trash talking – those are the things that win games. Street Cred matters.

Back to live blog:

3:20 – “Big Shot Billups” manages to gain 2 free throw attempts. Big Shot Billups is really not a moniker (hope I used that correctly) that Chauncey deserves – has he done anything recent to earn that? (Prolly – but don’t answer that).

1:28 – HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE turnover by Rashard Lewis, the guy the Magic overpaid for by about $70 million. Fact. The Sonics offered Rashard Lewis about $60 million. So the Magic, wanting Rashard Lewis, decide to exceed their offer. Reasonable decision, I can understand that. The Magic then promptly offer Rashard Lewis $119 million; towards the later years of his contract, Lewis will make more than Kobe Bryant. ummmmm…great.

1:03 – Great tipup by D-HO; that’s what happens when you question his street cred, man. 22 points and 17 rebs so far. Follows that up with a great block on “Mr. Big Shot.”

48.9 – Wow, Hedo missed that horribly, like I do about 80% of the time in pickup games. Not to worry, “Big Shot Billups” promptly screwed up the next play. Great job, greeeeeaaat job.

11.7 – Meh. Magic blew their opportunity there. Not to worry – the built in excuse for this game is the 3 that “Big Shot Billups” was credited with at the end of the 3rd quarter; the clock hadn’t started but he was still credited with a 3. Damnit…then an offball “foul” = Masked Man (isn’t that weird? Does the dude know that his nose isn’t broken?) tripped, and the zebras rewarded Detroit.

In Conclusion: Garbage.

Adrian Wajnarowski hates the Celtics for no apparent reason

I realize these days if you call someone out or say something is the worst or best everrrrrr you get more hits (I read it too), but this is getting ridiculous. His first article was titled “Celtics Stand On Brink of Greatest Choke Ever.” Unfortunately for Wajnarowski (Wajna?) “choking” doesn’t exist, but thats an issue for another time. How bout the 67 win Mavericks? Oh they got caught in a bad matchup (and the Celtics didn’t). What about the 2006 Lakers? Oh they weren’t really that good. Seriously though, even if a Celtics loss would have been the greatest “choke” in NBA history, writing “Greatest Choke Ever” is an insult to Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, and the 2004 “Chokington Chokeville Chokers” called the Yankees.

But anyways… as if to try to defend his original article after the Celtics destroyed, pummeled, chewed up then spit out then picked up off the ground and chewed some more then given to a friend and chewed then stomped on and finally vomited on top of the Atlanta Hawks, he writes this. Wajna, U arrr dumbzzz.

Together, the sheepish Celtics dragged themselves to the Garden for Game 7 and delivered a predictable pounding of these young, immature Hawks, whose legs and leaping didn’t travel in the NBA playoffs.

This is certainly true. You know what counts as a category when measuring goodness at basketball? Being able to play on the road. You know what also measures your goodness? Winning playoff series.

And so to watch Kevin Garnett give the throat slash gesture and bark, “It’s over,” to a screaming sellout near the end of the Game 7 trashing, to witness the euphoria for a series that should’ve been a sweep, leaves you wondering: Why were the Celtics celebrating when they should simply be slinking to Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semifinals?

As a Celtics fan let me answer this while fighting off all eleventy billion celtics fans who also want to answer this. We SUCCCKKKKKED last year. We SUCCKKED (notice the less C’s and K’s, we sucked a little less) the year before. Winning a playoff series is F’n awesome. And all teams celebrate winning playoff series. I mean, the NY Giants celebrated losing to the NE Patriots after the last week of the football season, and I think things worked out for them. Seriously, on behalf of Celtic fans or people who watch any kind of basketball, F U Wajna. You have no idea what you are talking about.

Old demons returned for them: KG passing on big shots,

Nope, this is wrong (and is passing on big shots a very bad thing? Answer: no)

Pierce losing his cool

yup

and Allen losing his shooting touch.

No, No, No, Nope, Nunca, Nine, No, and Nope

Maybe the Celtics acted like the kids walking out of school at 5 o’clock, bragging about how well they had behaved in detention.

Forget it, you’ve convinced me. I will stop writing this article now…….. NOT! (Hi-yoooo!).

To dismiss this seven-game series as merely a product of the Hawks’ young legs underestimates the Celtics’ uncertainties. They are long on regular season accomplishments and short on playoff production. James Posey and Sam Cassell have championships, but Garnett, Pierce and Allen bring postseason baggage to these playoffs.

Ok this actually makes me happy. Because like, I normally want my sports writers to be smart, but when they insult my teams, I secretly hope they are really dumb. Whew… Wajna is really dumb. James Posey and Sam Cassell have championships!! Put them in!! Take that bum garnett OUT!!

Seriously, how much longer are we gonna have to go over this? Garnett didn’t lose in the playoffs because of him. He made the COnference finals with fricken like Derrick Martin and Wally Sczcerbiak as the number two and three guys or somethin. Maybe he had Sprewell too. Remember when Garnett made Marbury look like John Stockton? Seems like a long time ago. Anyways, Garnett wasn’t the reason they lost.

Pierce carried the Celtics to the Conference Finals in 2002 with Antoine Walker taking a bazillion shots and Tony Battie at Center. Tony Battie at Center. Ray Allen played on a few ok Bucks and Sonics teams. Point is, it is absolutely certainly not these guys’ faults that their teams didn’t win finals. You need like five guys on a team or something.

But at least Wajna makes a consistent argument…

Game 1, Tuesday night in the Garden. All those young legs in Atlanta, all that greatness in King James, and toughness in Detroit, and championship pedigrees on those Western powers, and one truth is still unchanged in these playoffs: If you can’t win in Boston, you’re in trouble.

Oh. So the Celtics might not completely suck? Oh. Thanks Wajna. And if the Celts lose game one, this post may be deleted, but I will never say I respect you, you hear me Wajna? No? You don’t read new sports blogs that cover women’s basketball a lot? Ok fine. How bout you relax a bit, Wajna. Just stop writing for awhile.

US Olympic Basketball Team Stuggling

Think you know what Im talking about? I bet you don’t. US Women’s Olympic Team was upset yesterday by China. The Chinese beat us!!?!? This should never happen. Or as they would say, “Ni How Taiwan Du Li Bang Bang Chow”. Wow that seems a lot more racist when I write it out. But we already lost a game this Olympics. Take it away This is Our Game.