Adrian Wajnarowski hates the Celtics for no apparent reason

I realize these days if you call someone out or say something is the worst or best everrrrrr you get more hits (I read it too), but this is getting ridiculous. His first article was titled “Celtics Stand On Brink of Greatest Choke Ever.” Unfortunately for Wajnarowski (Wajna?) “choking” doesn’t exist, but thats an issue for another time. How bout the 67 win Mavericks? Oh they got caught in a bad matchup (and the Celtics didn’t). What about the 2006 Lakers? Oh they weren’t really that good. Seriously though, even if a Celtics loss would have been the greatest “choke” in NBA history, writing “Greatest Choke Ever” is an insult to Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, and the 2004 “Chokington Chokeville Chokers” called the Yankees.

But anyways… as if to try to defend his original article after the Celtics destroyed, pummeled, chewed up then spit out then picked up off the ground and chewed some more then given to a friend and chewed then stomped on and finally vomited on top of the Atlanta Hawks, he writes this. Wajna, U arrr dumbzzz.

Together, the sheepish Celtics dragged themselves to the Garden for Game 7 and delivered a predictable pounding of these young, immature Hawks, whose legs and leaping didn’t travel in the NBA playoffs.

This is certainly true. You know what counts as a category when measuring goodness at basketball? Being able to play on the road. You know what also measures your goodness? Winning playoff series.

And so to watch Kevin Garnett give the throat slash gesture and bark, “It’s over,” to a screaming sellout near the end of the Game 7 trashing, to witness the euphoria for a series that should’ve been a sweep, leaves you wondering: Why were the Celtics celebrating when they should simply be slinking to Game 1 of the Eastern Conference semifinals?

As a Celtics fan let me answer this while fighting off all eleventy billion celtics fans who also want to answer this. We SUCCCKKKKKED last year. We SUCCKKED (notice the less C’s and K’s, we sucked a little less) the year before. Winning a playoff series is F’n awesome. And all teams celebrate winning playoff series. I mean, the NY Giants celebrated losing to the NE Patriots after the last week of the football season, and I think things worked out for them. Seriously, on behalf of Celtic fans or people who watch any kind of basketball, F U Wajna. You have no idea what you are talking about.

Old demons returned for them: KG passing on big shots,

Nope, this is wrong (and is passing on big shots a very bad thing? Answer: no)

Pierce losing his cool

yup

and Allen losing his shooting touch.

No, No, No, Nope, Nunca, Nine, No, and Nope

Maybe the Celtics acted like the kids walking out of school at 5 o’clock, bragging about how well they had behaved in detention.

Forget it, you’ve convinced me. I will stop writing this article now…….. NOT! (Hi-yoooo!).

To dismiss this seven-game series as merely a product of the Hawks’ young legs underestimates the Celtics’ uncertainties. They are long on regular season accomplishments and short on playoff production. James Posey and Sam Cassell have championships, but Garnett, Pierce and Allen bring postseason baggage to these playoffs.

Ok this actually makes me happy. Because like, I normally want my sports writers to be smart, but when they insult my teams, I secretly hope they are really dumb. Whew… Wajna is really dumb. James Posey and Sam Cassell have championships!! Put them in!! Take that bum garnett OUT!!

Seriously, how much longer are we gonna have to go over this? Garnett didn’t lose in the playoffs because of him. He made the COnference finals with fricken like Derrick Martin and Wally Sczcerbiak as the number two and three guys or somethin. Maybe he had Sprewell too. Remember when Garnett made Marbury look like John Stockton? Seems like a long time ago. Anyways, Garnett wasn’t the reason they lost.

Pierce carried the Celtics to the Conference Finals in 2002 with Antoine Walker taking a bazillion shots and Tony Battie at Center. Tony Battie at Center. Ray Allen played on a few ok Bucks and Sonics teams. Point is, it is absolutely certainly not these guys’ faults that their teams didn’t win finals. You need like five guys on a team or something.

But at least Wajna makes a consistent argument…

Game 1, Tuesday night in the Garden. All those young legs in Atlanta, all that greatness in King James, and toughness in Detroit, and championship pedigrees on those Western powers, and one truth is still unchanged in these playoffs: If you can’t win in Boston, you’re in trouble.

Oh. So the Celtics might not completely suck? Oh. Thanks Wajna. And if the Celts lose game one, this post may be deleted, but I will never say I respect you, you hear me Wajna? No? You don’t read new sports blogs that cover women’s basketball a lot? Ok fine. How bout you relax a bit, Wajna. Just stop writing for awhile.