The Sportsguy’s Gettin Better

I enjoyed this mailbag.  I think like he’s getting back to his roots, just trying to be funny and not “analyzing” things he probably shouldn’t.  I do, however, have to take issue with this statement.

I see the Royals kicking off things by becoming this year’s 2008 Rays

No.  No chance.  You know who knew the Rays would be good last year?  A computer.  And me, who read the numbers the computer spat out.

Pecota predicted the Rays to get 90 wins (at some point I think it was like 86 or so, but they change it early in the season).  Pecota predicts this year’s Royals to get 77 wins.  The thing is, when this comp predicted the Rays to be good most people were like, “WTF?”  But when this comp says the Royals will be bad everyone thinks, “Yeah of course.”  Because the Royals suck and everyone knows that.

Nonetheless, good effort SG. Im sure you totally care what I think.

I’m sorry Bill Simmons but…

I’m a huge sports guy fan. For instance, I think that shammgod’s last post was an elaborate reverse-jinx on the Lakers. I think I’ve read every single one of his espn columns and I’ve listened to many of his podcasts. Kind sad, but whatever. My 2 goals for this summer (I’ve given on up on the and1 thing. I have no hope) are to: 1) read Now I can die in Peace (Simmons’ book) and 2) read every single article on firejoemorgan.com. Right now I’m on 08.05. We’ll see how that goes. As you can see, I have no life.

Had some issue with sections from his latest column from espn the magazine about Tennis:

If I guaranteed you that the 2008 Wimbledon men’s final would be the best tennis match of the past 20 years, would you watch it?

Umm. Yes. I think I would. And I think even casual tennis fans would watch the best tennis match in the past 20 years of their life.

Amazingly, many sports fans would say no. Maybe they’d flick over to NBC a few times to “monitor the action.” Maybe they’d swing by for the fifth set. Maybe they’d watch a few games and get bored, then allow themselves to be sucked in by Under Siege or a Tila Tequila marathon. But I don’t have a single friend who’d watch four hours of tennis on a Sunday morning and, I’m guessing, neither do you.

Once a successful mainstream sport, tennis now matters twice a year—during Wimbledon and the U.S. Open—and even then it’s not like America shakes with Racket Fever or anything. The mainstream media still cover tennis, and the ratings for majors are still okay. But when was the last time you watched a big match from start to finish? When was the last time you attended one? When did you last have an argument about something tennis-related that didn’t boil down to “Who do you think is hotter?”

Hmm..you’re making the hotter argument sound like it’s a bad thing. In fact, there’s an entire blog devoted to it: Hot Female Tennis Players. (The url for the site is umm…very direct). You’ve got your Sharapova fans

And you can also make a strong case for Ivanovic:

But back to the post:

Unlike golf, another time-sucking sport that appeals to a specific audience, tennis lacks a Tiger to keep it relevant. When tennis develops its own version of Tiger—first Pete Sampras, then Roger Federer—the guys do almost more damage than good. We see the best tennis stars as the Ping-Pong player at a family gathering who destroys all the uncles and cousins, and eventually kills everyone’s interest in playing Ping-Pong for the day. Golf is a sport that hinges on luck and timing, streaks and slumps, and the quirks of different courses. So it’s almost inconceivable for a golfer to dominate as Tiger has. But for Federer to dominate, it’s completely conceivable. And boring.

It definitely is interesting that Tiger is as popular as he is considering he’s absolutely dominated golf (as he did again today with a very clutch performance). He’s also 1)mad rich 2) has an attractive wife 3) dominates his sport 4)has his own gatorade drink named after him and 5) is smart. Great. But I’m not sure if you can argue the same for Roger Federer. He’s had a solid stretch of being the #1 player in the world and has won many grand slams and ATP tour titles. But Nadal’s the first player capable of consistently beating Federer. Andy Roddick was the world #1 back in 2003, but I think he has 1 or 2 career wins against Federer. Nadal has owned Federer on clay, capped off his by flat out beatdown in this year’s French Open Final. Nadal’s showing signs that he ’s narrowed the gap on grass and hardcourts as well, so I don’t know if Federer’s dominance is a clear fact.

That’s not the only side effect of the speed thing. Not to sound like Grumpy Old Man, but back when I fell for tennis, they played with wooden rackets—and we liked it! When John McEnroe and Björn Borg had their “Battle of 18-16″ at Wimbledon, it wasn’t serve-and-volley, serve-and-volley, serve-and-volley; some of the points lasted for 45 or 50 seconds, and they always seemed to end with McEnroe just missing a winner, then sagging in disbelief. Now, I’m not saying tennis should return to wood rackets. You can’t go backward. The game has evolved to a faster version of itself, and that’s that. But we’ll never see anything like Borg-McEnroe again. The equipment prevents it.

I don’t really buy this argument – you’re saying that faster serves and groundstrokes are bad for the game? Sure this may result in some shorter rallies (although there still are some pretty long rallies – like this 45 shot rally between Federer and Hewitt:

Simmons does give some interesting suggestions to help tennis.

Fix No. 1
Allow cheering, booing, hooting, chanting—anything short of hooliganism—during matches. If you want to keep one “quiet” major, fine, take Wimbledon. For every other tournament, fans should be allowed to act like—hold on, novel concept approaching—fans. If A-Rod can hit a 101 mph fastball at Fenway with fans yelling about his sexual preference, Venus and Roger can handle a second serve amid some background noise.

(Seriously, have you been to a tournament? Tennis and golf are the only sporting events at which you’re expected to drink liquor and not make noise. How does that make sense? I don’t like being anyplace where I might be shushed. It’s just one of my rules in life.)

I agree with this one. If basketball players, baseball players, football players, and many other athletes can play through cheers and taunts, tennis players should too. It would definitely make the matches a lot more engaging and interesting for the fans, although there’s always those crazy fans who try to get the last shout in before the umpire warns the audience for the millionth time.

Fix No. 2
You can’t have four “majors” when absolutely nobody cares about one of them. (I believe not even The Schwab could name the last 10 Australian Open winners.) Why not make the Australian a major mixed-doubles event? Wouldn’t it be fun to see who pairs with whom? It would be like waiting to see who’s taking whom to the prom, right? How would they play together? Would they fall in love, like they do in Dancing With the Stars? You’re interested already, I can tell.

No. Wrong. Un-Fact. Although the mixed-doubles idea (which already exists) is somewhat intriguing, these majors do matter. They’re 4 different styles of courts, and each surface presents advantages for different types of players. Perhaps he’s right and Americans really only care about 2 majors. But that’s kind of a big assumption to make for the rest of the world.

And, I’ve gotta close with this line: ELITE PLAYERS HAVE A SHORTER SHELF LIFE THAN PORN STARS.

I’ll uhh..take your word for that. Come on Sports Guy – I expected better.

Simmons!

Very Quick thoughts on this:

Regardless, it’s [Los Angeles crowd] a lively, knowledgable crowd that loves Kobe more than any other NBA city loves its signature player. I can say that with complete confidence. They love him. For years and years, they stood by him, defended him, made excuses for him and kept cheering him, and now he’s nearly finished vindicating the entire rollercoaster ride of an experience for them.

Except when they BOOED HIM EARLIER THIS YEAR. Simmons is usually knowledgeable about the NBA. Where is his brain here? Kobe’s vindicated the ones that stood by him, sure. But many booed him earlier!

And honestly, it’s one of the biggest reasons why I love basketball so much. Of all the team sports, it’s the only one in which a single player can impose his will on a game, a series or even in some cases, an entire season.

A great runningback/quarterback? 1999-2000 Pedro? Gretzky? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

That is all.

I was wrong

Now I remember why I liked Bill Simmons. This article is great. I even agree with some of his “analysis.” He also gives us these two lines:

I know she’s doing a fine job, but does it make me a sexist that I can’t listen to Doris Burke analyze NBA playoff games without thinking, “Woman talking woman talking woman talking woman talking …” the entire time?

Ne’r a truer word be spoken.

Also:

All right, I’ll ask: How come it took three seconds to euthanize Eight Belles, but the WNBA is starting Year 12?

Because the WNBA has Candace Parker!!! But seriously, I can’t wait until the Connecticut Sun- LA Sparks game in July where I go and am the only straight male in the arena. I think I’ll hold up a sign that says, “Candace, dump Sheldon, Marry Me instead!” It’s gonna totally work.

Tailer Made

We all like the sportsguy. Some more than others. But after reading this article I felt like Bill Simmons had written a letter to me.

“Dear The Other Shammgod

You thought I wouldn’t have seen this huh? You thought the fact that you guys at We Talkin’ ‘Bout Practice only have like 100 readers a day would mean that I wouldn’t read it. Well I’m gonna write an article for ESPN the magazine that is awesome in its ridiculousness and is totally calling you out for everything you believe in.

Truly Yours Forever,

Sportsguy”

Firstly I want to point out that I do not think I’m a better writer than Bill Simmons. I am an awful writer. I might be better than Bill Plaschke and that’s it. Simmons is also way funnier than me. He’s better ok? That doesn’t mean he’s allowed to be dumb and not get called out.

During the last few minutes of Game 6 of Boston’s second-round series with Cleveland, poor Kevin Garnett looked like Forrest Gump right after Jenny pulled her top down in her dorm room.

Weird analogy, but that’s fine. I’m just worried you’re gonna turn this into some sort of “Garnett isn’t ‘clutch’” articles. But you wouldn’t do that. You’re not dumb. You’re a redsox fan’s for Pete’s sake. We are all smart.

On one play, the ball swung to KG at the foul line; no Cav was within 10 feet of him. Strangely, he panicked, thinking about shooting an open J before realizing, Wait, I’m seven feet tall, that would be dumb, and barreling toward the basket to rush a clumsy jump hook.

Oh boy, it is gonna be one of those KG ain’t clutch articles. I take back what I said about redsox fans.

For a former MVP who makes $22 million a year, it was an astoundingly incompetent sequence.

So it’s surprising.

It also wasn’t a surprise.

Beep, Bop, Boop, errorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…

Garnett’s crunch-time woes have been the dirty little secret of this storybook Celtics season.

The thing is, Simmons totally watches more Celtics games than me. For him to believe this is unconscionable. Seriously, he is searching for a reason for some of the celtics struggles and, as always, if you look hard enough you will find something that isn’t there.

Sure, he saved the franchise and made the C’s relevant again. He’s also the reason they might not win the 2008 championship. Put simply, Garnett shrinks from pressure more times than he comes through.

This is ridiculous. I can’t believe people still believe this. Really? Garnett is the reason they are losing? I KNOW YOU WATCH THE GAMES!!! How can you even think of writing this? It’s not Ray Allen? Bench guys not showing up on the road? Doc Rivers whom you hate so much? Random Chance? Sam Cassell? ?????????????????

The intriguing wrinkle with Garnett is he plays differently down the stretch by not playing differently. Selfless and passionate for 48 minutes a game, eight months a year, he can’t raise his game because it’s already raised.

Oh, so you’re not trying to make sense. Good players try hard for the whole game. Garnett is known for doing his best at all points in every game. He is always hustling and playing hard. This is exactly what you are saying. Hence, him doing just as well in the “clutch” is to be expected and to be appreciated. You are criticizing him for this? Do you have any idea what you are talking about? Garnett’s unselfish play is a GREAT thing to have in the “clutch”, just like it’s a great thing to have in the not clutch. He is willing to find the open man and isn’t always forcing up jumpers. Would you rather have a guy like AI taking on 4 guys and forcing up a fadeaway with a 20% chance of going in, or Garnett drawing a double team and finding an open Ray Allen, or Rajon Rondo or P.J. Brown? Sure KG is probably better than these guys, but wide open shots are good. PLEASE KG do not listen to these people and start jacking up crappy shots to prove you are “clutch.”

Sometimes, when Garnett’s adrenaline kicks in during crunch time it’s like watching a diabetic in the midst of a sugar rush. His body can’t handle it. When he succeeds, he loses his mind, pounding his chest, belting out profanities and hollering at the crowd like a crazy person. When he fails (and it’s happened a few times this season), his mistakes are unbelievably amateurish—intentional fouls when the team doesn’t need them, taking too many steps on his signature fall-away, that kind of stuff. The pressure gets to him. You can see it. In Game 4 of the first-round series with Atlanta, after a near-altercation with Zaza Pachulia, the camera found KG on the bench and he was practically hyperventilating.

Here’s how I will back up my claim: Seemingly made up observation, Anecdote, Anecdote, Anecdote

Good effort SG

To quote firejoemorgan, with this article Bill Simmons is “driving an Underwater StupidTank to Uninformed Thinking Island” if he thinks KG is a bad player to have in the “clutch.” At least the sportsguy’s not the coach.

Thanks goes to Eaglesforever for tipping me off about this article. Props. Also, if you hated this, blame him.