Magic trick Green; headlines reign supreme

I’ve been a bad sports fan this past week. The NBA and NHL are playing thrilling playoffs, baseball is just starting to heat up, and college lacrosse playoffs are on TV, yet I’ve probably only watched an hour of sports in the past seven days. Even ESPN Classic, my favorite boredom buster, has received little love from me.

I don’t have any substantial input to make right now, but saying nothing this morning would be a shame, considering the Celtics were eliminated last night, so I’ll just discuss one fringe benefit of the game last night: reading a cornucopia of ridiculous headlines from the clever to the painful. When you have a reigning champion, big-time program, lose to a team named The Magic, headline-smiths around the world get excited.  Here are a few column and article headlines:

• Celtics disappear
• Cruel trick
• Turkoglu reappears just in time for Magic
• Green done in by lanky point forward
• Helpless against this firing squad
• Alpha-Bits and empty tanks
• Stars not aligned for C’s this time around
• No. 18 will have to wait
• Orlando Magic make history with rout of Boston Celtics
• In game 7, Celtics run out of Magic
• Van Gundy, Magic make naysayers disappear
• Magic show: C’s run finished
• Hounded by Magic defense, Pierce is unable to deliver
• Celtics fall for Magic tricks
• Two of Big Three not enough
• Superman Dwight Howard comes to Magic’s rescue
• Allen gave it his best shot

But, once I saw the Yahoo Sports headline, I knew we had a winner:

• Magic to appear at King’s court

Congrats, Yahoo! Your prize is being an increasingly irrelevant Internet corporation.

It’s 1:30, Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

Cause I’m bloggin, dad!  Aren’t you proud?  What?  No, I will not pay you back for paying off my college loans!

So I’m not sure what to write about next, so I’m gonna let our 6 person readership decide (and when not one person votes, I’m just gonna vote myself).

Here are your 4 options:

A. Top 5 NBA stars whom you’ve never heard of

B. Top 5 NBA prospects who should’ve panned out

C. Top 5 games in between the Jordan and sucky Spurs era

D. Top 20 blatant plot holes in the movie Dostana

And I really want to write D.

Derrick Rose is pretty slick

Derrick Rose had a couple of highlight reel plays yesterday

First check out his move on Andre Miller

Rose with the solid oop on the pass from Ben Gordon

And check out his block of Andre Miller, the top play from yesterday’s game (last highlight)

And that Devin Harris-Jason Kidd trade is looking worse every day. Devin Harris sliced up the suns for a career high 47 points yesterday (and recently macked the Lakers girls)

Remember When Sports Were Fun?

Sports are supposed to be fun.  I had written an in depth (code for boring) preview for the Finals, but then I realized I really didn’t want to do an in depth preview.  I’m just gonna watch and enjoy this series.  It’s gonna be fun.

Prediction?

Celts in 4. Seriously.  That is my prediction.

The epitome of a classless fan

Only Place You’ll Find KG Compared To A Scary Grocery Store Worker

Basically I got this idea when I recently got a job at a grocery store (just kidding Im still unemployed, and homeless). There are so many different types of people you meet there. Then I realized that there are so many different types of Celtic players. Then I realized it was 3 pm and I should probably wake up. Then I realized I could compare the workers and the celtics. Then i realized I had a blog where I could do this, all while making 0 dollars an hour. Then I realized I think I may have vastly overrated waffle house when comparing to Dennys. Then I realized I should get started on this writing thing.

Here we go: Comparing the Celtics to Supermarket Employees

Words you might need to know:

Block- straightening the items on the shelf (very time consuming)

Ring- Cashier duties

In no particular order…

Tony Allen- Works way to hard. Other employees don’t even really like him because he works so hard. Luckily the Manager doesn’t like him and always yells at him for mistakes made by everyone. Sometimes Tony does really stupid things like wait until after the store closes to get the shopping carts from the parking lot. If he wasn’t an idiot sometimes, and the boss liked him, he could really be a good employee. But he isn’t.

Sam Cassell- Really old. Way too old. There is definitely something wrong with him because he still works at a grocery store after all these years. He seems to be a good employee, recently he came up huge by blocking the store down in under three hours, but we are all waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why did krogers, whole foods, and stop and shop not want him?

Rajon Rondo- This guy’s going places. He makes most employees angry because he’s probably gonna end up in (gasp) college. We can see he’s skilled and cares about what he does. If only he didn’t hang with Tony Allen all the time, he might act like less of an idiot. Can ring you out in under a minute though. And gets carriages lightning fast.

P.J. Brown- Cassell’s creepy looking friend that follows him around. They are up to no good. We all know it.

Paul Pierce- We all love this guy. Always does what he is told. Even though he received a mild promotion a little while ago we still like him. We all think he could be the best employee we’ve ever seen. Nobody memorized all the vegetable codes as fast as him. He taught us all how to do our jobs with a smile on his face. But we all wonder… why is he still here? Why did he stay when we were losing money? We kinda feel bad for him. This year we’re doing well again though. Maybe he will reap the rewards. We all hope he does.

Leon Powe- Works hard and loves what he does, but isnt an idiot like Tony Allen. Unfortunately for Powe, he got stuck in the grocery department so he’ll never get promoted. We all know he’d move up if he were a cashier.

Brian Scalabrine- Makes more than most of us, which we all don’t understand. Never shows up to work, always calls out sick. When he does show up to work he’s irritable to customers and always screws up their change. But he does try hard. I’ll give him that. He tries hard, when he actually shows up. He should be fired soon, which is good.

Ray Allen- Extremely great worker, we know he is going places. Is the nicest guy you’ll ever meet. One time a customer tried to get him fired for explaining the sale items (the customer’s item wasn’t on sale- hence anger) and he just smiled right back. Customers and employees like him a lot.

Eddie House- We all think he’s cool, but after his hours decreased when Cassell came, he’s been acting different. We think he might be dealing drugs. Good for him I guess, at least he’s making money.

Scot Pollard- Total pot head. Deals drugs to kids in the break room. Has been talking to Eddie recently, hence the rumors starting. Once in a while he sweeps the aisles so the managers don’t totally hate him, but most of the time he’s just doing lines of coke off the top of the toilet paper dispenser in the bathroom.

Kevin Garnett- A very recent hire whom we were all afraid of until we talked to him. Is actually quite nice. He cares about his job a little too much. Is very talented though. He is also very tall so he can block the top shelf of the store without getting a crate to stand on. Scares customers, but once swept the entire store in under 5 minutes, and it was the best job I’ve ever seen. If only he didn’t look so scary…

James Posey- Really under appreciated. Store always looks better at the end of the night when he is working. Customers love him. But the managers never give him credit. They’ll miss him when he’s gone. Unfortunately for James, he’s pretty much under appreciated everywhere. He got fired from his previous job at KFC even though it totally wasn’t his fault. He may be stuck here for awhile, which is good for the store, but bad for James.

Glen Davis- Just really, really fat. Nobody knows how he got that fat on a grocery store clerk’s salary. Enjoys talking to customers so they like him. Because they like him, it makes him seem more valuable than he really is.

This Is a Big Deal Yes?

Does the NBA usually admit when it is wrong? I was pretty shocked when they did the replay of that heat hawks game earlier this year. And now the NBA comes out with this.

“After reviewing the video of last night’s Pistons-Magic game, we determined that the play that concluded with Chauncey Billups’ 3-point field goal at the end of the third quarter took approximately 5.7 seconds,” the statement read. “Because there were only 5.1 seconds remaining in the quarter when the play began, the shot would not have counted had the clock continued to run.”

Even though the magic lost by more than three, the game was certainly close enough for magic fans to be angry(at least the shot clock worked). And now the Magic are up like 20 points in the first quarter in game three. I thought the NBA didn’t want a Spurs-Pistons finals. But after the Billups play, and some questionable calls (Duncan tripping on his own feet, Bowen knocking the ball out of bounds) in the spurs suns series, Im not so sure. (Here’s ginobili doin what he does best)