Today something happened that will change the course of history

This. The state of the nation is strong  No change is necessary.  YES WE CAN!

Dont know what to say

I was already thinkin of titles for my farewell sox post.  “Goodnight Youk” and “Year of the Ray and Ryan Howard” were early favorites.

I guess I’ll just link this. Pretty good song.  The chorus will be repeating in my head until the sox lose. Also, little known fact, the other other shammgod likes this song too.   It’s capitals fault that I know that tho.  Seriously.  Im not a weird person. (It’s also capitals fault that im bleeding from my face, but its worth it.  I need to concoct a really ghetto story as to how I got this scar tho.)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. As that guy in harold and kumar said, “The universe tends to unfold as it should.”

Please o please beckett, please be clutch.

How could this happen?

Kevin Youkilis was 0-17 in his first 20 plate appearences against James Shields.

So Im thinkin, “this is meaningless.” The announcers thought this was huge; they called Shields: Kevin Youkilis “Kryptonite.”

Then Youk doubles.

Of course.

EDIT: Later Cliff Floyd is up

One announcer says (paraphrase) “Floyd is a veteran who has lots of postseason experience.”

I think to myself, “Why did you just waste 10 seconds saying that?”

Second announcer then presents the counterpoint, “But he’s 0-5 against Dice-k.”

I think, “Maybe I’ll put the game on mute.”

For what it’s worth he grounded out.

2ND AND HOPEFULLY LAST EDIT:

Announcers just starting talking about the feud between the sox and rays.

(paraphrase) “Was the brawl a sign that the Rays were finally ready to take on the Sox and Yankees?”

Everyone pretty much agreed.

Except we ALWAYS brawled with the Rays. They’ve always hated us. Remember in 2000 when Gerald Williams charged at Pedro? Then the rays went 102-60 and won the World Series because they finally proved they weren’t going to take those darn bully sox anymore.

Wait, nope.

3rd EDIT:

Youk is now 2-2.

BUT HOW???!?!??!!!!!!!!!??????!?!?!?!!/1/1/1?!?!??!

4th EDIT:

Redsox have 1st and 2nd nobody out in the 7th. Announcer goes (paraphrase), “Do they bunt here?” Other announcer goes (paraphrase), “Yes definitely I think so.”

The Redsox, not being idiots, don’t bunt.

Kotsay makes an out, doesn’t matter, still a good decision by Francona.

For what it’s worth (nothing) Kotsay almost got a hit.

5th EDIT:

Announcers talking about how Pedroia isn’t hitting that well in the playoffs, one announcer mentions that Pedroia had a good postseason last year. Pedroia falls behind 0-2. (paraphrase)

“This has been his problem. He’s been falling behind in the count every at-bat.”

Under 4 seconds later: Pedroia lines a pitch up the middle into center field for a hit.

But he hit like .059 in the ALDS!! But he hit over .300 in the ALCS last year!! IS HE CLUTCH OR NOT???!!!!

6th EDIT:

This is basically a live blog now. Anyway… announcers keep harping on the fact that Youkilis has the best batting average with runners in scoring position (BARISP) for the sox this season!!!

Youkilis is also second on the team for BAWBIBP®!!! That is, Batting Average While Baseball Is Being Played (min 250 ab’s).

7th EDIT:

We are shown a statistic that says that 55% (12-22) teams that win game one of the LCS win the series.

Announcer goes (paraphrase), “As you can see- game one very important.”

Right, if by “very important” you mean “barely important at all, in fact way less important than you wouldve thought.”

8th and next day EDIT:

firejoemorgan made a post with the same observation as my 7th edit.  Here. I feel proud.

Why I hate the Angels

I was told by someone (paraphrase), “Your like the only person in the world who hates the angels!”

Here’s why: Mike Scioscia’s smirk after giving away (roughly) .228 runs by bunting with a guy on first and no outs.  Of course the move worked for him.  Everyone will remember this one time, not the million times in the past when it hasn’t worked.  I just hear Scioscia’s brain going, “Take that nerds!”

For the last time:  You only bunt in the bottom of the ninth-xtra’s in certain situations. You never bunt in the top of an inning.  It is also sometimes acceptable to bunt if your hitter is hitting, like, under .150 or something.  But really, why would that hitter even be in the game (other than a pitcher)?

Keep up the good work Mike!  I want the red sox to win too.

WHAT IF?

Do you ever wonder what if? What if I went to Boston College? What if Posada’s blooper was caught? What if this actually worked? What if Larry and Sarah Parker never met and we never got Candace??!!! I guess we wouldn’t have Anthony either, so there is some silver lining. Anyway, I was thinking what if today about a few sporting events. Here’s my top six (random number I know) what if moments, definitely up to debate, definitely wrong, and there’s probably a New England slant in here.

SIX: What If Eisley’s Shot had counted?

1998. Game 6. The game Michael hit this shot. Earlier in the game Howard Eisley hit a three pointer that should have counted. He hit this three with one second left on the shot clock. Bavetta overruled it. If that three counts, certainly the whole game is affected.

What would have happened: The Jazz win game six and go on to win the series. They may have been the better team, game three notwithstanding. Jordan doesn’t retire. The 1999 Lockout doesn’t happen because Jordan wouldn’t let it. 1999 Bulls win championship number six over the Spurs in 4 games.

FIVE. What if Offerman had been called safe?

Game 4. ALCS. 1999. The first year the Redsox played the Yankees in the ALCS. The Redsox are trailing 3-2 in the eighth inning. John Valentin hits a groundball. Offerman is not tagged (see picture). He is called out. Knoblauch throws to first to get a double play. Instead of Nomar (one of the greatest hitters in the league at the time) coming up with a runner on second, the Redsox were retired and their hopes dashed, going on to give up 6 runs in the ninth and lose 9-2.

What would have happened: Nomar comes up with a runner in scoring position and, as always, delivers, this time with a wall scraping double. Mike Stanley walks, and then Brian Daubach homers giving the Sox a 6-3 lead. Rich Garces isn’t allowed to suck the whole ninth inning, and the Sox hold on to win 6-5. The Sox lose game five but take game six. Pedro then throws the first perfect game in ALCS history and the Sox win game 7 and the pennant. The Sox overmatch the Braves and win their first World Series in 81 years. Nomar and Pedro become lifetime Sox heroes and are never traded/let go in free agency. The Sox team currently sucks, but we’ll always have memory of that game seven where Pedro pitched the greatest game that never happened.

FOUR: What if Brady didn’t tuck?

2002. AFC Divisional Playoff game between the Patriots and the Raiders. Tom Brady pumps, the ball is knocked loose. Originally it is called a fumble. On the review the officials use the tuck rule to call the pass incomplete. The Patriots go on to win the game and the Super Bowl.

What would have happened: The Raiders win the game. They beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh and then lose 77-3 to the St Louis Rams in the Super Bowl. The Raiders are currently in the same position they are now… sucking. The Patriots continue to build on to their promising team and make the playoffs in 2002-2003 (instead of missing them, which is what actually happened). The Patriots teams are mildly better due to that specific offseason and the Patriots win three Super Bowls, including going 19-0 in 2007-2008. Yup, this is what would have happened. Aren’t you glad they called it the way they did Raider fans?

THREE: What if Len Bias hadn’t died?

June 18, 1986. Some crappy hotel room. Coke covered tables. Len Bias livin’ it up. Len Bias injests too much and dies.

What would have happened: The Celtics take the 1987 Finals over the Lakers in 5 games. The Celtics also take the 1988 Finals becoming the first team to three-peat since themselves in the sixties. The Lakers settle for their one Finals win in the 80’s (1985). Magic dedicates himself to basketball. He doesn’t get AIDS (we can joke about aids now right?). The Lakers win the Finals in 1992. Jordan doesn’t retire in 1994. The Bulls win the Finals six consecutive years 1993-98, defeating the Celtics in the Conference Finals 1993-1996.

TWO: What if Game 6 was called fairly?

2002. Western Conference Finals. Lakers beat the Kings after shooting 27 free throws in the final period. Nearly every call is bad. Kobe elbows Bibby in the face near the end of the game, adding injury to insult (by the way, no call was made). Kings go on to lose (also questionably from what I hear) game 7. They are never the same.

What would have happened: The Kings win Game 6, it’s not even close. They go on to sweep the Nets in the Finals. Webber is not seen as a choker. The Kings team is kept in tact. The Kings win the Championship in 2004 and 2006, alternating with the Spurs. Dwayne Wade never becomes that famous. He never makes those “you in my five” commercials. Webber is still playing. In a few years he will make the hall of fame.

ONE: What if Shamm hits the elbow jumper?

1997. NCAA Tournament Elite Eight. Providence has just come back from down 85-78 with 1:05 left to tie the game at 85. Providence steals the ball at center court. Shammgod drives, pulls up, and clanks the elbow jumper miserably off the side of the rim. Providence goes on to lose the game in Overtime.

What would have happened: Providence holds on for the final 4 seconds and wins the game. Providence goes on to destroy North Carolina and Kentucky to win the National Championship. Instead of “Simon Says Championship,” Jim Nance states, “God delivers Providence to the promised land.” Shammgod and Austin Croshere go on to have stellar NBA careers. God currently plays for the World champion Celtics, playing about 40 minutes per game (rondo gets 5, house 3). Mike Bibby can’t deal with how chokey he and his team played. The Kings never trade for him. The Kings win the 2002 Western Conference finals on a last second behind-the-back alley-oop from J-Will to Webber.

If anyone was offended by this, or disagrees with this, I apologize.