This Post is Long

Note To Reader: I started this post quite a few days ago, certain things have changed in the world since I started it. I refuse to go back and edit stuff I wrote to make it “work” or whatever. Call it honesty. Or Laziness. No, honesty, definitely honesty…

Haven’t made a (real) post in a few days. This one might take a while. Our blog’s last two posts are me talking about this dude (who no one cares about) and a picture of this dude (who no one but finger wag cares about). Also, our last comment from a “reader” features the word “fantabolous.”

My fellow Americans, the state of the blog is “Ugh”.

I have the solution: another poorly researched list that no one cares about, but might get people to argue, but probably won’t because (as previously stated 15 words ago) no one cares.

25 Worst Calls of All Time

Can we find this guy a team?

I know an NBA team in Texas that could use a point guard.  “Shammgod finished with a light 38 points.“  How has he not made an NBA camp?

WNBA: I just can’t stay away

This is going on right now. I would totally go to this game if I were in the vicinity. One problem tho, why can’t they play on the blacktop? Ya know, where real legends are born. Bassy, Rafer, Khalid, Kemba, (fake) Jesus, and (shamm) God.

Pretty good wordplay yeah? Aight, I guess not. Whatever.

WHAT IF?

Do you ever wonder what if? What if I went to Boston College? What if Posada’s blooper was caught? What if this actually worked? What if Larry and Sarah Parker never met and we never got Candace??!!! I guess we wouldn’t have Anthony either, so there is some silver lining. Anyway, I was thinking what if today about a few sporting events. Here’s my top six (random number I know) what if moments, definitely up to debate, definitely wrong, and there’s probably a New England slant in here.

SIX: What If Eisley’s Shot had counted?

1998. Game 6. The game Michael hit this shot. Earlier in the game Howard Eisley hit a three pointer that should have counted. He hit this three with one second left on the shot clock. Bavetta overruled it. If that three counts, certainly the whole game is affected.

What would have happened: The Jazz win game six and go on to win the series. They may have been the better team, game three notwithstanding. Jordan doesn’t retire. The 1999 Lockout doesn’t happen because Jordan wouldn’t let it. 1999 Bulls win championship number six over the Spurs in 4 games.

FIVE. What if Offerman had been called safe?

Game 4. ALCS. 1999. The first year the Redsox played the Yankees in the ALCS. The Redsox are trailing 3-2 in the eighth inning. John Valentin hits a groundball. Offerman is not tagged (see picture). He is called out. Knoblauch throws to first to get a double play. Instead of Nomar (one of the greatest hitters in the league at the time) coming up with a runner on second, the Redsox were retired and their hopes dashed, going on to give up 6 runs in the ninth and lose 9-2.

What would have happened: Nomar comes up with a runner in scoring position and, as always, delivers, this time with a wall scraping double. Mike Stanley walks, and then Brian Daubach homers giving the Sox a 6-3 lead. Rich Garces isn’t allowed to suck the whole ninth inning, and the Sox hold on to win 6-5. The Sox lose game five but take game six. Pedro then throws the first perfect game in ALCS history and the Sox win game 7 and the pennant. The Sox overmatch the Braves and win their first World Series in 81 years. Nomar and Pedro become lifetime Sox heroes and are never traded/let go in free agency. The Sox team currently sucks, but we’ll always have memory of that game seven where Pedro pitched the greatest game that never happened.

FOUR: What if Brady didn’t tuck?

2002. AFC Divisional Playoff game between the Patriots and the Raiders. Tom Brady pumps, the ball is knocked loose. Originally it is called a fumble. On the review the officials use the tuck rule to call the pass incomplete. The Patriots go on to win the game and the Super Bowl.

What would have happened: The Raiders win the game. They beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh and then lose 77-3 to the St Louis Rams in the Super Bowl. The Raiders are currently in the same position they are now… sucking. The Patriots continue to build on to their promising team and make the playoffs in 2002-2003 (instead of missing them, which is what actually happened). The Patriots teams are mildly better due to that specific offseason and the Patriots win three Super Bowls, including going 19-0 in 2007-2008. Yup, this is what would have happened. Aren’t you glad they called it the way they did Raider fans?

THREE: What if Len Bias hadn’t died?

June 18, 1986. Some crappy hotel room. Coke covered tables. Len Bias livin’ it up. Len Bias injests too much and dies.

What would have happened: The Celtics take the 1987 Finals over the Lakers in 5 games. The Celtics also take the 1988 Finals becoming the first team to three-peat since themselves in the sixties. The Lakers settle for their one Finals win in the 80’s (1985). Magic dedicates himself to basketball. He doesn’t get AIDS (we can joke about aids now right?). The Lakers win the Finals in 1992. Jordan doesn’t retire in 1994. The Bulls win the Finals six consecutive years 1993-98, defeating the Celtics in the Conference Finals 1993-1996.

TWO: What if Game 6 was called fairly?

2002. Western Conference Finals. Lakers beat the Kings after shooting 27 free throws in the final period. Nearly every call is bad. Kobe elbows Bibby in the face near the end of the game, adding injury to insult (by the way, no call was made). Kings go on to lose (also questionably from what I hear) game 7. They are never the same.

What would have happened: The Kings win Game 6, it’s not even close. They go on to sweep the Nets in the Finals. Webber is not seen as a choker. The Kings team is kept in tact. The Kings win the Championship in 2004 and 2006, alternating with the Spurs. Dwayne Wade never becomes that famous. He never makes those “you in my five” commercials. Webber is still playing. In a few years he will make the hall of fame.

ONE: What if Shamm hits the elbow jumper?

1997. NCAA Tournament Elite Eight. Providence has just come back from down 85-78 with 1:05 left to tie the game at 85. Providence steals the ball at center court. Shammgod drives, pulls up, and clanks the elbow jumper miserably off the side of the rim. Providence goes on to lose the game in Overtime.

What would have happened: Providence holds on for the final 4 seconds and wins the game. Providence goes on to destroy North Carolina and Kentucky to win the National Championship. Instead of “Simon Says Championship,” Jim Nance states, “God delivers Providence to the promised land.” Shammgod and Austin Croshere go on to have stellar NBA careers. God currently plays for the World champion Celtics, playing about 40 minutes per game (rondo gets 5, house 3). Mike Bibby can’t deal with how chokey he and his team played. The Kings never trade for him. The Kings win the 2002 Western Conference finals on a last second behind-the-back alley-oop from J-Will to Webber.

If anyone was offended by this, or disagrees with this, I apologize.